Now that the weather has evened out and school has started, it seems like we are in full swing of activities that are bringing us face to face with other adults. From school fundraisers to back to school night, we can find ourselves immersed in new groups of people. While this may lead us to feel overwhelmed, it can also bring opportunities to enhance your community connections.
I saw a quote recently that said “If you had social anxiety in high school, congratulations! You get to do it again as an elementary school parent”. Whether you have kids in elementary school or not, I think we can all relate to that sentiment of wondering how you are coming off to the people you are meeting. Coming home after the open house night and asking yourself “did I come off weird to that other parent?” It can be anxiety provoking! But remember that you are an amazing person and there are people out there that are meant for you to be in community with.
We all want a space where we feel like we belong. When we belong to a community, we do not have to change who we are to be there. We can just be free and comfortable without the fear of judgment. I know I am being ambitious talking about attending school events and releasing the fear of judgment, but we can all dream! And maybe you can think about what spaces you feel like you truly belong without having to change who you are? I hope you have at least one community space like that.
And if you don’t, it is never too late to find it! So let’s talk about some tips for creating community connecting and building your own village:
Tips for Building Your Village:
- Be open to new experiences: Salsa dance night? 80’s night at the roller rink? Start your own crafting group? The world is your oyster (especially living in Los Angeles!) for finding new experiences to participate in. If it has been awhile since you have had that ooey gooey feeling of being a part of something fun or part of something that felt really connected, it may be time to explore some new spaces to inhabit. Just because you have never done a certain sport, activity, or hobby, does not mean you cannot take it up now. What have you always wanted to try?
- Say no so you can say yes: When we are looking for community connections, it can be tempting to say yes to all the things in front of us. But as a therapist I want to encourage you to be careful about the inevitable burnout that can come from saying yes to too many things. Be mindful of your time and prioritize the activities and people who make you feel good. By saying no when it isn’t feeling totally right, it will allow you to have the energy and availability to say yes the things that light you up.
- Accept that relationships change: People can come and go into our lives, like seasons. Understanding this can allow us to flow with changes in relationships. Of course we will still tend to those relationships that are important to us! But we can allow room for ourselves to change and for our connections to change. Our community may not always been the filled with the same exact people, and that is ok! We are evolving who we are constantly and something that includes evolving our community.
- Make real life connections: It can be easy to try to get socialization in via our phones or computers, but research shows that we only get that oxytocin hit when we are hearing each other’s voices or seeing each other face to face. Maybe you and a friend leave each other morning voice memos. Maybe you prioritize that in person coffee date. Whatever it is, make the plans to give you the type of connection that is impactful for you.
I know that this is not easy sometimes and I am asking you to be brave in finding the connection you need! We all know that it is hard to go through this life alone, and we need other humans to connect with. Challenge yourself to be brave in searching out supports and finding people you truly feel connected to. Because you are a human worthy of a village; worthy of a community. Know that the efforts you put into making those connections will be worth it.
And if you need some extra oomph to get you going, say these affirmation in the mirror to yourself before the next social gathering:
I am brave
I am unique
I am loved
I am worthy
I am strong
I am enough
Xo,
April & Lena